SMALL ANCHORS

hi single mom…

hi single mom. i’m one too.

nice to meet you.

 

i’m going on 3.5 years of checking the locks and turning out lights and sleeping alone at night. of raising kids every single day. of attempting a “man” voice so that my children will listen the first time… of trying to be enough when it’s impossible to share myself between 2 amazing kids… and a house that needs to be cleaned, dishes that need to be washed, work to be completed, homework needing to be monitored, errands to run, a shower would be nice, beds to make, laundry to do, a yard to mow, floors to vacuum and sweep and mop every single day… soccer ball passing to play, books to read, hands to hold, kisses to share, love to give… the on-going list can become overwhelming quickly when we notate how full our lives are when caring for children alone.

 

raisingkidsalone

 

in comparison to homes with two dedicated parents, our days seem twice as long and four times as hard. i don’t know why the kids soccer games must be scheduled at the same exact time on two different fields on opposite ends of the county, or why we forget to pack lunches on field trip days when our sweet kids remind us every single day for days leading up to the event… or why our car breaks down when we’re already running late to our doctor’s appointment that we’ve had to reschedule 3 times.

 

what i do know:

• our children need good daddy’s…

• he might have made a mistake with us or walked away from our hurting marriage or didn’t try hard enough to stay but they are still really good daddy’s

• good daddy’s are involved

• he shows up when he says he will, he calls when he says he will…

• they go to baseball and soccer and football practices…

• their smile makes our little one’s faces light up

• they offer to take the day off from work to stay home while your little one is sick

• they stop by for a quick ice cream run before dinner or lay on the front yard under the stars to teach them about the constellations

• they tell your daughter how beautiful she is on the inside & out

• they tell your son how handsome and smart and brave he is

• they have tears in their eyes when they have to say goodbye

• they are good men

• they would do ANYTHING, yes…  ANYTHING for those children

• they are selfless. they are Godly. they are human and have err.

• if you were to summon up enough courage to ask, they would hand you the world on a silver platter because you are their children’s mom

• they may not have always been there, but they are there now

• they love without ceasing…

• our children need a good daddy

• we need a good daddy to help raise these kids

• raising kids without their good daddy involved is both dangerous and foolish

• they are trying really hard… to measure up, to be enough

       • raising kids alone… really alone, is hard work

 

mama’s… i don’t know how it’s been for you. i don’t know if you find yourself sobbing for days crying out to God, hoping He hears you begging for help to end the bitterness creeping in your soul. or if you ask God for vengeance on this man that has hurt you and abandoned you. i don’t know how deep the wound is that doesn’t seem to heal or how tired you are trying to keep him away from you… thereby keeping him pushed away from the children.

but if he is a good daddy… and you mama’s, you know the truth! then you know that you must choose to quiet the hurt in order to see the truth. i urge you to let him in. don’t fight anymore… he loves them. he would do anything for them. for you.

i can assure you… good daddy’s are not showing up to hurt you or cause you pain. it is not out of vengeance or spite. it is not to win you back or check on you or be disrespectful.

 

trust me.

you must try to understand that men compartmentalize all of their life into small little boxes with lids and he has likely already let go of all the pain and hurt caused by the seperation or divorce. good daddy’s that want to be near their children, just want to be near their children. they humbly are there for the kids.

they show up because they love the kids you share together.

they show up because they want to.

 

you do not know the envy that i have for good daddy’s that want to be involved, that have let go of the fight and instead, made it about the children. you do not know the hurt that sits heavy in our home some days. the sadness we endure. what “father/daughter” dances are like when there is no one to take her. or “father/son” camping trips are like when there is no one to take him. to be constantly badgered and attacked by him, dragged back into court to spend thousands of dollars, lose more work time, lose more time with sweet children, where the emotional stress caused by the infliction impacts your parenting and ultimately impacts your kids. and he doesn’t care because it was never about the children.

& if you do know this hurt… i am sorry sweet friend, i am on this journey with you. i know the pain and abandonment. i know the questions we ask ourselves over & over. i know. i can feel it too.

 

please mama’s, those of you with good daddy’s… let down your pride. drop your hurt. beg God to soften your broken heart to leave room for this man, this good daddy that your children deserve to know without boundaries.

for you, sweet mama, are raising the next generation! when you choose to not only accept, but rather wholly embracing their good daddy… you are creating an unshakeable foundation for your children to be world-changers as they grow up that will not accept the status quo.

about-aimee-350
hi there.

Raising my sweet kids on the Carolina coastline while spending school days strategizing with entrepreneurs & designing websites. We build forts, play soccer, eat delicious foods, customize our home, enjoy our Labradors and dream of relaxing summer days sipping lemonade at the beach...

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Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing your story. You put in to words certain things that I have struggled to convey for years. It was no accident that I came across this. God is a good God! I have two wonderful son’s. Age’s 17 and 15 ( he will soon be 16), and I’ve raised them alone since their dad left over 10 years ago. I can relate to your story, it’s much like mine. God has blessed us with a wonderful man , he is the “Boaz” I believed God for. I did not even date, yet God placed this man in my life. I want you to be encouraged and know that God will do the same for you and your family. Once again, thank you for sharing your story. May our God and Father continue to bless you and use you . Your sister in Christ Jesus, Samantha

  2. Stephanie says:

    This is the best, most thoughtful writing! I love it.

  3. Always thinking about you friend. One million virtual hugs XO

    • you are among that really small group of amazing, wonderful, phenomenal women that i respect, hope to be more like and so encouraged by… the best of the best.