hi single mom. i’m one too.
nice to meet you.
i’m going on 3.5 years of checking the locks and turning out lights and sleeping alone at night. of raising kids every day. of attempting a “man” voice so that maybe they will listen the first time. of trying to be enough when it’s impossible to share myself between 2 amazing kids based on their individual needs… and a house that needs to be cleaned, dishes that need to be washed, work to complete, homework to monitor, errands to run, a shower would be nice, beds to make, laundry to do, a yard to mow, floors to vacuum and sweep and mop every single day, soccer ball passing to play, books to read, hands to hold, kisses to share, love to give… the many thankless chores we do to serve our small families that we’ve been given. to care for and look out for and love.
i do not have answers as to why our days seem twice as long and four times as hard, or why the kids soccer games must be scheduled at the same exact time on two different fields, or why we forget to pack lunches on field trip days when our sweet kids remind us every single day for weeks leading up to the event… or why our car breaks down when we’re already running late to our doctor’s appointment that we’ve had to reschedule 3 times >> due to sick kids that stay home from school all day, that field trip we forgot about or we just simply, forgot to write down our doctor’s appointment.
what i do know:
• raising kids alone… really alone, is hard work
• that there are good daddy’s that made a mistake with us or walked away from our hurting marriage or didn’t try hard enough to stay, that are still really good daddy’s
• or that there are good daddy’s that have broken hearts because we did something to hurt our marriage
• that our children need good daddy’s… even if we have hurt each other and we carry brokenness, hurt and pain
• that good daddy’s show up when they say they will show up. they call when they say they will call.
• good daddy’s are the ones that make our little one’s faces light up when they see them or when they call to say goodnight
• they are at baseball and soccer and football practices… they show up to games
• they offer to take the day off from work to stay home while they are sick
• they stop by for a quick ice cream run before dinner or lay out under the stars with them at bedtime to teach them about the constellations
• they tell your daughter how beautiful she is on the inside & out
• they tell your son how handsome and smart and brave he is
• they have tears in their eyes when they have to say goodbye as their heart breaks again
• they are good men
• they would do ANYTHING, yes… ANYTHING for those children
• they are selfless. they are Godly. they are human and have err.
• that if you were to summon up enough courage to ask, they would hand you the world on a silver platter because you are their children’s mom
• that they may not have always been there, but they are there now
• that they love without ceasing… but sometimes might be mildly immature, like most men… but they love.
• that we loved them… even if we can’t find the reason today
• that our children need a good daddy
• that we need a good daddy to help raise these kids
• that raising kids without their good daddy involved is dangerous and foolish
• that they are trying really hard… to measure up, to be enough
• that these good daddy’s deserve to influence their children’s lives… because they are good
mama’s… i don’t know how it’s been for you. i don’t know if you find yourself sobbing for days crying out to God, hoping He hears you begging for help to end the bitterness creeping in your soul. or if you ask God for vengeance on this man that has hurt you and abandoned you. i don’t know how deep the wound is that doesn’t seem to heal or how tired you are trying to keep him away from you… thereby keeping him pushed away from the children.
but if he is a good daddy… and you mama’s, yes… you know the truth. sometimes you must quiet the hurt to see the truth… but your heart and gut and mind know. then, i urge you to let him in. don’t fight it and push him away from your precious children. he loves them. he would do anything for them. for you.
i can assure you… good daddy’s are not showing up to hurt you or cause you pain. it is not out of vengeance or spite. it is not to win you back or check on you or be disrespectful.
trust me. you must try to understand that men compartmentalize all of their life into small little boxes with lids. good daddy’s that want to be near their children, just want to be near their children. they humbly are there for the kids. it is not to bring strife or heartache. it’s to help and be a part.
they show up because they love the kids you share together.
they show up to prove they are men.
THEY SHOW UP BECAUSE THEY WANT TO.
did you hear me?
THEY SHOW UP BECAUSE THEY WANT TO.
men. bold, brave men. men of valor and honor and heart and life. men with courage. men with ambition. men that love.
these are the men that are good daddy’s.
they know the kids shoe size without having to ask.
they know their teachers names and their best friends names.
they know their soccer schedule and want to be included in doctor’s and dentist appointments.
they know the chapter books that have captured their attention at night.
they know the best ever gift to selflessly give for birthdays and christmas.
they know… because they want to.
mama’s, my plea is that you hear me. that you trust me. that you will try.
until you know what life is like for children that have a daddy, but not a good daddy… you will not know how good you have it.
you do not know the envy we have for good daddy’s that want to be involved, that show up, that love. you do not know what hurt sits heavy in our home some days. what sadness we endure. what “father/daughter” dances are like when there is no one to take her. or “father/son” camping trips are like when there is no one to take him. you do not know how it feels to be constantly badgered and attacked by him whereby impacting your parenting skills and ultimately impacting your kids.
& if you do know this hurt… i am sorry sweet friend, i am on this journey with you. i know the hurt. i know the abandonment. i know the questions we ask ourselves over & over. i know. i can feel it too.
please mama’s… those of you with good daddy’s… let down your pride. drop your hurt. beg God to soften your broken heart to leave room for this man, this good daddy that your children deserve to know without boundaries.
for you, sweet mama are raising the next generation and by not just accepting, but rather wholly embracing their good daddy, you are creating an unshakeable foundation for your children to be world-changers that will not accept the status quo.