i am hurt. my flesh is weak. my soul is yearning for truth. wisdom. emptiness seeking fulfillment. brokenness to be repaired.
there’s a desperate choke feeling… it’s deeper than the automatic constriction of the throat. far more deep… it gnaws it’s teeth into the soul. it breaks down the tissue of your being. the mind lands on curiosities: how often did they lie? how often did they give a simple excuse instead of truth? why was our trust taken advantage of? a lie. it robs the heart of joy. the mind of gentleness.
just 1 little lie. 1 is enough to question it all.
a friendship diminished.
a relationship choked out.
a trust forever broken.
all good things are quickly forgotten as we meander through the emptiness that lies offer. this empty space we live inside while trying to understand the purpose behind the lie… to justify. oh, how our minds choose to not relent. we can wrestle with the lie… but will succumb to defeat.
i withdraw… from everyone. to protect myself from brokenness, hurtful lies, uncomfortable deceitful moments. blame that is met with more lies… that is met with more hurt.
thankful for grace. thankful that God pursues me and fills me with a conviction so strong that a lie, a simple lie, is met with a stomach churn and a fearful discomfort until quickly remedied. do you feel that? when you lie?
oh the truths in Matthew 15:19
For out of the heart come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.
one sin does not outweigh another. lies are full of dark evil sin that consumes, controls and destroys. protect that heart of yours. keep it true and humble and just. honoring to God.
if i cannot believe EVERYTHING you say… then i can believe NOTHING you say.