it’s been 18 years.

i have a new client. a real estate firm based in London. i was browsing some of their listings <<daydreaming>> while working on their website today… dreaming of the lovely bright green lush landscape. the crowds of well dressed professionals with their adorable accents & mad love of soccer!

London.

lush-green

in 9th grade i went with my Spanish teacher, Sra. Mas and several students on a whirlwind trip to Spain, France & England… London was my favorite stop along the way. i purchased a pair of green combat boots just months before the trip and was anticipating a visit to Doc Marten’s, to breathe in the fresh air, take in the rolling hills of the countryside, learn about their culture…

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santa’s dead.

i felt slightly bad for the man at Lowe’s that asked Abigail (4 yr old), “what is Santa going to bring you this year?”

her reply: “Santa’s dead.”

his mouth dropped open, his knees weakened and he was speechless while tilting his head back and forth between her & i. i think he wished for an explanation, but could not utter a sound.

i was not prepared for her blunt delivery either.

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she continued… “St. Nicholas started the tradition of giving presents to children that did not have any. and did you know that some people go without food? we give food and money to them too.”

grasping for words, the Lowe’s employee asked what she did on Christmas instead of open gifts from Santa?

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31.

31ishere

water-coloring.

jack & abigail adventures.

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end with lies.

lies

 

i am hurt. my flesh is weak. my soul is yearning for truth. wisdom. emptiness seeking fulfillment. brokenness to be repaired.

there’s a desperate choke feeling… it’s deeper than the automatic constriction of the throat. far more deep… it gnaws it’s teeth into the soul. it breaks down the tissue of your being. the mind lands on curiosities: how often did they lie? how often did they give a simple excuse instead of truth? why was our trust taken advantage of? a lie. it robs the heart of joy. the mind of gentleness. [Read more...]

20 mom and son DIY ideas

a few days ago i posted a bit about my daughter and her pure joy crafting — well, my son is the same way! i think it’s perhaps they both have been raised around glue, glitter, paper projects, markers, paints & an unlimited supply of creativity (& a wall closet filled with every possible crafting material or tool they could dream up!).

with winter fast-approaching here in Western NY, i thought it might be a good time to start prepping our craft closet with some fresh supplies to sustain unexpected “snow days” and long winter holidays!

most of these ideas have been gathered over this past year on my KIDS Pinterest board… each of the projects is linked directly to the source, or if no source, an image is provided for you to use as a guide!

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** these are my 2 little crafty kids — are they the sweetest little red fox & fawn?!

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20 mom and daughter DIY ideas

i have a phenomenal 4 year old daughter. she is brilliant. she is creative. she is intelligent. she loves designing & crafting & creating & making & baking. i love doing simple DIY’s with her — it provides quality focused time together doing what we love!!

most of these ideas have been gathered over this past year on my KIDS Pinterest board… each of the projects is linked directly to the source, or if no source, an image is provided for you to use as a guide!

20 mom and daughter date ideas

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adjusting my sails…

if we are living in His will, we are where we should be.

… so we are planted wholly & deeply in His will and not of our own.

i want this. to live solely in His will. because my will is not a good idea. at all.

it’s been 3 months of living in NY. 9 months separated. years and years of single-parenting the sweetest kids God ever created.

i have been adjusting my sails… and adjusting… and adjusting. my heart has been broken. my “family” and “home” and “vows” and “normal” have been scarred. laying desolate at the feet of Jesus… while i yearn to carry this burden to prove my dignity. my drive. my determination. my unwillingness to cave. my unwillingness to waiver. my deep seeded desire to protect.

my years of commitment and adoration and love and respect and hope… have been removed as though my actions were never received.

as i adjust — my layers are being peeled back to reveal someone i do not know…

i grip the layers out of bitterness and hurt.

anxiously, eagerly, cautiously and with great awareness… i wait. i wait. i wait.

& while i wait. i photograph. i missed NY desperately. as i adjust my sails to accept where i am today… i write lists of things about this place that bring joy and smiles and giggles. this place that i have come back to in order to find comfort and seek peace. and yet days are long and nights are long and parts of me are not accepting this. but my notes of thanksgivings and my photos are a reminder. a gentle nudge for today.

God is good. He is worthy of our praise & thanksgiving. this hurt and anguish and frustration… it too will pass.

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NY: country style

fresh picked tomatoes for dinner. thunderstorms full of lightening & tremendous buckets of rain dropping instantly. collecting blackberries for homemade tarts. biting deep into sun ripened cucumbers. wide open roads. line-dried vintage sheets. golden hair shimmering in the sun while determining what shape the clouds hold. playful fun & memories created on the green grass surrounded by family love & protection.

peacefulness. thanksgiving. full of hope. full of dreams.  fresh new books beginning with crisp unwritten pages. & today is the day that happiness abounds, tears of hurt are erased with tears of joy.

2013-08-09 17.41.40 2013-08-06 18.14.19 2013-08-06 18.14.34

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