when God lays something heavy across my heart and then reinforces it with scripture, direction, support… He is calling me out. He has been calling me to share. calling me to open the doors wide to the good and to the ugly.

a few weeks ago i experienced a really tough phone call. they wanted to tell me what they thought about me and my character. i must admit, the phone call left me feeling selfish, caught up in my “remarkable success”… and forging through life with a vile tongue and forgetful memory. i was completely unsure how this situation would pave the way for me to write this post today until i went to church that weekend.

the sermon was about the word: PERHAPS. we read about Jonathan in 1 Samuel. we learned of his  bravery. for his forthright leadership. to bear the burden. to seek after God and that perhaps He would arrive. we looked through scripture and found 2 different places for us to live in:  like Jonathan –>> those that lead. those with big ideas. those that are firm. decisive. intentional OR like an armor-bearer –>> those that support. those that follow. those that believe in their faithful leaders.

we were called out to think about approaching situations with three questions:

#1: can i make a difference? | #2: are we in line with God’s will? | #3: am i moving towards the problem?

–>> i did not realize this topic made me a Jonathan. on this blog. in this space.

when i started sharing about my friendship burdens in a post called Friendships That Suck and then a week later, Maintaining & Canceling Friendships i did not know the impact this topic would have on all of you or even how the sharing has affected me.

Small Anchors is a platform. this is a place where thousands of people click on each day. our blog launched at the end of October and it’s busy around here. i did not expect 100′s of emails, comments, tweets, messages about friendships and how they hurt. how they break down. how they make us feel sad, lonely, lost, uncertain. the impact that others have on our lives. our decisions. i did not know i was going to cry over your stories, i did not know i would feel led to pray for some of you that shared your burdened hearts with me.

/// so today,  i’m vowing to continue. to write about friendships. to write about the hurts. that perhaps you can find some peace and comfort in your losses and the hope to rebuild or start fresh. to make a difference. to seek God’s will as i write about the problems as a means to bring hope & healing.

 today’s topic: 

oi. what a topic.

kinda friends vs. real friends. friends that get the good vs. friends that get it all. friends you like vs. friends you cherish. 

do you have some of those? those friends that are kinda friends? we like to call them acquaintances around here. you know the ones! you meet at a small group, the library, the gym, on twitter, through facebook, a friend of a friend. you interact with some regularity but not overly committed to the time piece. they are available for you to share and they are too. —>> then something happens. a word misread. a text mistyped. an opinion mis-shared. a thought mis-communicated. a phone call left heavy.

removed from twitter. blocked on Facebook. emails and texts not responded to. your heart stops a bit. your breath quickens. you wonder… “what did i do wrong?!” because that friend didn’t know YOU. you only shared a little bit… perhaps something halted you. perhaps you couldn’t. perhaps you just didn’t want to.

friendships will end as quickly as they start.

when friendships begin quick and are built quickly, there is no time to go through your brokenness with them. we tend to limit our sharing. don’t we? okay, so maybe you don’t… but i did! {yes, that’s past tense}. i opted to ONLY share the good. the happy. the pleasant.

the weight loss/not the weight gain. date nights with my husband/not the fighting and bitter words. the clean car/not the disaster left by the kids in the back seat while chowing down cheese puffs just to get them to be quiet long enough to get home. the amazing client/not the disaster client. the happy moments. that’s what we share. happy.

so why are we so troubled over losing a friendship that was not really a friend?

because IT HURTS! it hurts when someone doesn’t like us. it hurts when they remove us. block us. delete us. it hurts because we feel less valued. less important. LESS. we have somehow given them authority to decide how we feel.. to decide what our value is.

let me tell you sweet girls reading this post —->> LET. IT. GO.

yep. that’s my advice. LET. IT. GO.

LET. IT. GO.

“you are only responsible for your part”, offered my wise friend. yep, she’s a true friend. one that heard my cry. offered wise counsel. and left me to rest on this verse.

we are only responsible for our part. our role. our response. offering humble grace. choosing to be silent. choosing to learn from the situation & carry on.

// here’s the difference for me. it comes down to one little thing that has tremendous impact

                                                                                     —>>> TIME.

REAL FRIENDSHIPS are those that you go through the tough with. you offer each other precious time; minutes of days that don’t seem like there is enough for everything else you’re over-committed too. that time you share is essential in building a strong foundation, a friendship. these are the friendships that have lasted throughout my life. they forgave me. they prayed over me. they listened to my hurts and struggles and offered sound advice and sometimes… they just listened. but the common thread of my genuine friendships is the commitment to offer quality time to them {i am a work in progress… aren’t we all?!}

as i have been writing about friendship the past few weeks i have evaluated friendships in my own life and i must say, i am thankful. thankful for those of you that went through this past year with me as Craig and i worked through our broken marriage. for those that stuck around even when i was ugly and broken and sad and angry. for those of you that know the real me and love me anyway.

how do you evaluate a kinda friend from a real friend? what do you do to show your commitment to your friendships? i could always use some more pointers!!